Its a quarter past five and I’m seeking liquid cheer,
I open my fridge and find I’m running low on beer.
So off to the spreadsheets: Beersmith & Bru’n Water,
Even browsed an article saying its bad to chill with copper.
Recipe in hand now that the Sandman has my son,
I head out to the brewery to get some work done.
First thing I grab is a stainless ten gallon pot,
Set it on the stove and fill with water that is hot.
While the water is warming I weigh out some grain.
Barley crusher and a drill: check crush, mill again.
Usually there is some light spillage of grist,
So I go grab the broom and try not to get pissed.
Water is adjusted, and reached the correct calefaction,
I put in a brew bag, some grain and start the action
of mixing my grain with an over-sized whisk
I don’t care about aeration – I’m convinced there’s no risk.
With a swirl and a flick the whisk is removed
And I check the temp: a perfect one-fifty-two.
On goes the lid and a light mash tun insulator
I’ll come back to check on this sixty minutes later.
While the starches are converting to sugar in my mash,
I go to the freezer and pull out some pelletized hash.
Magnum for bittering, Citra for a low temp whirl
I’ll also add Galaxy, Falconer’s and perhaps Perle.
I weigh out my hops for a hazy New England I-P-A
One sixty minute addition with the rest put away,
Till end of the boil after a light temperature drop,
I’ll put in four ounces of hops with a plop.
The mash is completed the enzymes are done
Its time to begin some BIAB sparging fun.
I hoist up the bag and its 210 micron filter
The wort drops down while the bag is in kilter.
With the spent grain removed the wort begins to heat,
I reach in the fridge for Fermicap and a leftovers to eat.
A few drops per gallon and one more for good luck
If this thing boils over, my wife will yell @%^#!
With a heat stick to supplement my electrical range,
The wort is almost ready for a slight phase change.
A bittering charge of Magnum goes in with a stir
Yeah, I weighed those in grams – I’m no amateur.
The boil rages on forty five minutes or more
I toss in my chiller and Irish moss (really, what for?)
Fresh hops, chloride rich water, adjunct-ed with wheat.
This beer will be hazy enough to make Jamil need to tweet.
I turn the heat off and get ready to whirl in the pot
With my ghetto-hydra-style-chilling big copper knot.
In go the hops and steeping goes on for about twenty
Then pour into the fermenter with London Ale III yeast aplenty.
Down to the cellar where its cooler, yeasties can frolic
By eating these sugars they’ll make this sweet tea alcoholic.
I turn back to the counter all covered with grime
and clean before my wife gets home, thus concealing my crime.